Kidney Stones

Kidney Stones are like a little wrapped package from the devil himself. I always picture the devil to look like Meryl Streep. Or Gilbert Godfrey. That is just what I picture. Most picture the pearly white gates as there only option. Well I picture hell being like a big wooden door and Meryl Streep lets you in and ACDC and Black Sabbath are playing a wild show. Maybe I need therapy. That is just what I always thought would go down not necessarily for me but Madonna for sure. Alright back to the Stones, and I don’t mean The Rolling. On Friday my lower stomach hurt most of the day. After class Friday night I am talking on the phone and BAM I get hit with the pain of being burned to death, tarred and feathered, and being the bull’s eye at an archery competition. I went down. Passing a stone, and I don’t mean Romancing and the Stone is a pain I don’t even wish upon Todd Fagen, the bully who wrote “Sarah’s fat” on every paper in Mr. Anderson’s fifth grade class. I will find you one day Faggen oh yes I will. Anyways as I was gasping for breath just wishing I would soon see Meryl Streep not one of my family members would answer the phone to take me to the hospital. Mike, being the gem that he is was willing to come down from Ellensburg to take me, but by the time he got there I would be having a octagon fight with Gilbert Godfree in the flames of hell. Nikki was moral support as I drove myself to the hospital. Once in the emergency room, Kadlec hospital treated me like 2nd rate meat. My cousin Erin finally came down as I sobbed and sobbed. 2 hours after arrival I got my first taste of valium. It did not numb the fangs of kidney stones but just made me tired and loopy. My male nurse loved talking and giggling while I just wanted to scream. I got meds and lay in pain while Erin whispered sweet nothings in my ear. On a different note hospital gowns get a bad “wrap”. Those things rule! In my dazed state I stuffed one in my purse. You can tie them up, or not. These could go head to head with the snuggie and slanket. My kidney infection is like going to a Metallica concert… you just wish you knew what they were saying. So bottom line my continuance of bad luck continues. Thursday is my birthday. I have a feeling turning 25 is going to be hard on me. Until next time….